Day 270

Friday | November 23rd, 2012


The day after the day after the birthday was more together. I was able to coordinate an outfit. I was able to stand for a protracted period of time. I was articulate. I was on fire (compared to Thursday).

I rolled into work about thirty minutes early and had time to print and prepare all my stuff for next week. I did some cutting after my classes. I had a long think about last year and the one that just started. Somewhere in my head is the conversation Meow and I had over our “Dunch” menu … the elephant in the room. ‘I thought we were going to wait until next year to talk about this?’ she said. ‘It is next year. Today is next year. We’re both here. Let’s talk now.’ That conversation was the most critical thing that happened on my birthday and it was completely lost in the mayhem until this solitary moment cutting strips of paper for a conversation activity, that it lunged out.

Next year has barely begun and the big trains are on the tracks already, some trains are in motion. This house, that’s a big train. This job, that’s a little train.

In year on year analysis, last year was the most difficult one, maybe ever. It was difficult to breathe, difficult to find reasons to breathe. Elephant indeed. But things came together in ways that were just far off pipes we talked about; having pets, living outside Seoul, giving up the CEC, having a house. Somehow all of that happened between 38 and 39.

This brings me to birthdays past and the journals that bore witness:

  • 2002, records don’t really exist, but somewhere I have a picture of me enjoying my first Bennigans experience so aside from a few days later mindset there is that connection now made relevant.
  • 2003: birthday thoughts; presents; the damage report.
  • 2004 … what had to be said and the real McCoy.
  • 2005 … there was no birthday in me, just bukkake (apparently).
  • 2006 … full recovery.
  • 2007 … in love and in Shanghai with Meow.
  • 2008 … the first year at the CEC, there was a party, but no journal, I got so drunk Meow had to carry me out of HoBar.
  • 2009 … the second year at the CEC, there was no party of recollection. I don’t even think I saw POD.
  • 2010 … the third year at the CEC, party? I don’t think so. Too busy with curriculum and management shit.
  • 2011 … invited everyone at the CEC and none of them came. Some new faces showed up and I had a good time sharing a party with POD. Again, no journal.
  • 2012 … clearly looking to recreate 2003 or top it.
  • 2013? I want some 2002. I also don’t want to stop writing in this journal (or any paper one), birthday gaps suck.

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